Celebrations – Of Beginnings and Ends

This has been a week of mixed celebrations - of different angles and sentiments.  Some has been terribly sad, some joyous, and some of gratefulness.

Celebration of a beautiful life that was lost, celebrate a culture that forms part of me, celebrate a beautiful country I am with.

I started off this week saying goodbye to a friend that sadly passed after a brief battle with leukaemia.  I miss him.  He was my neighbour, but he was a good man, but also a friend I have come to know for almost 15 years.  I missed seeing him on the street, walking his dog, mowing his lawn, always with a smile on his face.   His smile is always reassuring and warm.   The street is going to be different without him, but I am thankful for the wonderful memories he left behind, the soul of our street party every year and over the months and years ahead, we will always miss him. 

Suddenly, the surrounds of his house seem so quieter.  The grief, the quietness that followed, makes my heart aches too.

I sat with his wife yesterday and we shared a good cry over the sad loss.  It was tears of both sadness but also the happiness he brought into our lives.  We wonder how to go on after such a sudden and sad loss, but sometimes it is inescapable.  But we will progress in our grief, healing will take place, in its own time but never at the speed someone wants us to. 

As we said our goodbyes, we also ushered in the beginning of the lunar new year – the year of water dragon, which we hope will bring us all the blessings in both good and sad times.

This is celebrating the Chinese in me.  A heritage and cuture I am always proud of.  A culture that I never cease to impart into my children and sharing with others this beautiful culture.  We had a pre-reunion dinner on a very hot 40deg  summer day in Perth!  Reunion dinner is a reminder that family must always gel together and making an effort to do that. 

I invited my other neighbour to watch the lion dance with me and was a wonderful experience I got to share the beauty and wonder of this culture with a good friend, whom really is like an extended family to us.

So even on a 40deg c heat, I fired up my wok, blanched the noodles, soaked the mushrooms, sliced up the pork, fried up some chicken wings, and some very last minute take out of a roast duck and some roast pork because I have accidentally burnt my lovely dish of dong po rou. 

I made the pineapple tarts.  It was a bit of work, but hey, one bite into these tarts made me felt all festive and almost back at my parents place! 

My girls dressed up in their cheong sums, complete with the clogs and fan…is just lovely.

Then we have Australia Day when we celebrate a beautiful country we live in.  I have been here for almost 15years, I still miss my family, but I love living here.   The ever lasting blue sky, beaches, parks,  this is where my kids call home.

A country where summer days are filled with beaches and kids jumping into the public pools over and over again, day after days, that they have the goggles imprint onto their face from the tan : ) 

This Week’s Download

There was one night this week I looked back at all the old posts on this blog, and found myself laughing and at the same amazed at all the things my kids have been upto.   Oh my gawd, thye are crazy.

So I just took out my memory card to download this week’s pictures and I saw this.  She found this baju kurong when I was cleaning up her wardrobe and her big sister helped to dress her.  She gave me this silly smile that made me laughed many times this week. 

I have been very busy de-cluttering the whole house too.  I went through each of my children’s room, tipped out their drawers, cleaned out their cupboards, sorted their clothes, toys and labelled every single drawer so they know where to keep their uniforms, socks, jocks, knickers, PJs….

There was an intention behind this.  I wanted my children to become more involved in the daily chores and I want them to learn a thing or 2 about being tidy and organise!  My kids and husband have the wonderful “stuff it in” way of putting things in their closet….and I hope by labelling every drawer, walking them through it is my one little step to helping them becoming more organised!

Of course I spent many hours after that admiring my good work, well why not.

I also cleaned out my pantry, reorganised everything and again I spent many hours standing in front of my pantry not exactly looking for things to eat, but just looking at how neat and clean it all looked!

Then of course, we had to visit IKEA after inspecting all my coffee mugs and realised that many have started to chip.  The fun thing being at IKEA  9.00am on a weekday morning before the holiday crowd gets in is you get to let your toddler free, ran, skipped on the cold hard floor till her feet resembled the look of a black stamping pad.  And the 2 older kids are still within the age limit to visit IKEA’s Smaland!

And being school holidays mean also I have more time at home and didn’t have to engage myself in the sideline watching my kids at sports or the hanging around school’s carpark every day at 3.05pm.  Suddenly I have more time, more inspiration to cook. 

It was a hot 36ged c in Perth the other day.  But a friend had given me an Ayam Masak Merah recipe.  Of course I had to try as I have all the ingredients at home.

We all love it.  My kids ate it, though there were a few pauses, gasping for the icy cold water, a big relief before they hit their bowls of white fluffy white rice with more of the spicy, tangy and sweet gravy from the curry.

Oh yeh, did I mention we went yum cha too.  I took my 3 kids with me into town and we had “our” favourite.  It is “our” favourite because my husband would not touch this.  This is chicken feet, when done well, it is so good, that as you run the tongue around the glutinous texture of the skin, with the spicyness of the hot bean sauce before carefully spitting out the tiny little bones…hey even my 2 year old toddler loves it. 

And I started my first meditation class this week.  It was a lovely place, quiet, tucked away behind a big house, walking through the wooden gates, to the sound of wind chimes….but what I really enjoyed was enjoy “be in the moment” experience.  For 45 mins all I focus on was my breathing.  But our mind is a crazy thing, it wanders a lot.   I had throughts about a passionfruit gelato, my eyebrows that need plucking, to the car that suddenly zoomed past…but times and times again I am learning to bring my focus back to my breathing.  I had smiles on my face all evening and days after that! 

The one very important thing I did for myself was also printed out my 2012 goals and desires.   I have it sitting on my desk now as a constant reference.

Chinese New Year is also around the corner…is a funny thing for me listening to the CNY songs..it brings back a lot of wonderful childhood memories.  The kind of eager anticipation, the excitement of seeing boxes of biscuits displayed at the store, house cleaning…mum buying all the goodies to be consumed over the New Year.

Now that I have been here for over 15 years, I still miss home a lot.  So what did I do?  I was cleaning the kitchen this morning and I went onto youtube to find some CNY music!  Haha, it was fun and before I know, my 2 girls are more into it than me.  

Next week’s plan include some pineapple tarts making!

Beach + Icypoles + 2 mins Playdough

This has been a good week.

We are still in the long 6 weeks of summer holidays.  I have been out and about with the kids, to the beach, riding bikes, running alongside with kids on their bikes, licking icypoles in the evening after a long hot summer day…

Making 2 minutes playdough in the microwave but many hours of fun.

Hanging out together at a park, and amazed at the instatenous happiness that comes so easily to children.  I am blessed to be bringing up my children at a place where open space, blue sky, clear water are an iconic part of this country. 

I started my quarterly decluttering again.  I do this every quarter and even more appropriate to get the kids organised before their school year begin in a month or so.

I made this yummy dish one night, so delicious when wrapped between lettuce leaves, topped with some corriander.  Worth a try and probably a really good dish to have for winter too.

My study desk is looking all neat and clean again.  For a while I have many bills, receipts, letters, forms..way too much for my desk and it was driving me nuts.  Now all is well again. 

I have been doing good this week.  I said to my kids one of my goals this year is to remain calm and speak to them with love and firmness when required.  They understood.  My reason for telling them is so they can help me to achieve my goal of becoming a much better parent.  It allows them to see that mummy can make mistakes, and we can work toegther as a family unit!  That I need their encouragement too and it matters to me. 

One evening as I caught myself getting slightly flustered by the dinner, kitchen cleap up, kids bath time…my eldest reminded me “mummy, is ok, take a breath”.  Thank you son for reminding me.  I took a breath, looked at them and realised they are just kids, doing what kids do…that when you tell them to get in the bath, there is always one of them that will be running around in their birthday suit : )

“Kids are the way they are because that’s the way they are” -

( Quote from Little book for Parents.)

8 things I want to do in 2012

Year 2011 was a big year for us, with many challenges that we did not forsee.  There were a lot of stress, doubts but with a lot of commitment and perseverance, we ended the year with much gratitude. 

But I am feeling really excited about 2012.  Because I have a lot of goals and desires that I like to see myself fulfill.  There are goals that I have been thinking for years, but never attempted because I wasn’t ready or sure of where to start. 

So here are some of my goals and things I really wanted to do for 2012:

1.  Running.  I have never been a long distance runner.  But I started running towards the end of last year with a program I downloaded onto my ipod and now I run 30 minutes 3 times a week.  My goal is working towards running a marathon sometime this year. 

2.  Meditating.  During the most challenging time in 2011, a friend recommended me to do some quiet meditating every day or night.  I started doing it every night before sleep for 15-20 minutes and found that it helped to quieten down my mind and stop the internal chatters.  I aimed to join a meditation class regularly and learn some meditation techniques I can use in my own time and place.

3.  Friendship.  I have lost touch with many friends over the years.   This year I am aiming to meet up with one friend a month, so in 12 months, I would have caught up with 12 friends that I seldom see.

4.  Saving up.  I have a goal to save up for an overseas trip by the end of this year.  I want to bring my kids to Singapore, visit their grandparents, to Kuala Lumpur and Malacca.  I really want to do this, so I have already started saving since last year and will continut to do so this year.

5.  Work.  I am going to renew my “relationship” with work, with more purpose, goals, desire and commitment.  I am thinking of finding a friend or someone I could trust to share my work, so we can become a team! 

I might also be working at a second job, but that is still a work in progress.

6.  Personal development.  I am rather serious and committed about this, and it might mean going back to study.  It is probably something I will undertake in the 2nd half of the year, but I am quite prepared to put myself through a course which I have been doing a lot of research on.

7.   My own parenting.  I used to be very patient and careful with my words when it comes to kids.  Somehow in the last 18-24mths I have noticed,  patience slowly sips away and I don’t always think before I speak.  I really want to shift this.  I want to speak with love and firmness.  That if the words are not uplifting, I can consciously find myself zipping my mouth, relax then tell my kids off firmly with love, but not with threats I can’t possibly follow through! 

8.  Make someone happy.  I like to make people happy.  I  feel happy when I see someone happy and know they are loved.  I usually like to do this through food!  I have been wanting to do this for a while.  But if I can, once a month, depending on what comes up, if I can cook one meal, bake something to make someone happy, or help up a random person in need, I would love to be part of that.    

I want to live a purposeful life.  I am here for a purpose and I like to live, breath every moment of it with both gratitude and excitement.  I recognise I have many goals, but I also like to look back knowing I have attemped some of my dreams.  It would be such a shame if I look back in a few year’s time, still wondering if things would have been different.

I don’t want that anymore.  I want to live my life fully and abundantly, create new goals, shift those self limiting beliefs, fly higher with more wisdom and clarity. 

I hope and wish all my dear friends and loved ones have had a great start to the year.  All the best, have a blast and I shall update you with the progress of my goals during the year!

Remembering Christmas – My 2.5 yr old

I want to remember how special Christmas is to a child, espcially my own.

I used to love Christmas as a kid, there was something magical, happiness, wondrous all written in it.

Here is my 2.5 yr old Lara whom is beginning to understand the excitement with Christmas.  She calls Santa “hohoho”.  She likes spotting him, but she doesn’t like getting close to him.

She likes the chocolates we get in abundance during this time of the year.

She likes the fruit cake and the gingerbread cookies we bake.

She likes dipping the gingerbread cookies in my hot tea.

She loves sitting on my lap, cupping my face with her chubby & grubby little hands, saying “hohoho is coming with presents soon.”

Tonight she asked for her Christmas hat, put in on herself, climbed into her cot.

Being the gorgeous little girl she is, drifting off to sleep after many rounds of kisses and cuddles.

I love her to bits.

Big Sister Little Sister

These 2 girls are my “naugthy” ones.  Oh the kind of mischief they get upto can really can pop my eyeballs out at times.

I have caught them climbing onto the roof of the cubby house, peeping into the neighbour’s backyard!  Or the time when I caught them emptying a whole packet of chocolate rice into a bowl, sitting on the kitchen floor, heartily eating them!   

But they are also very close.  Best mates.  They play a lot together, from morning till night.  They change their plays from hairdresser, to shops, chefs, running a restaurant, ballerinas, teachers, babies to puppet show, setting up obstacles course…it’s completely hilarious for me to watch most days.

They fight a fair bit as well especially when one wants to be a teacher and the other won’t do as told.  Chloe now that she is older is very accommodating, and quite often will give me after a bit of a whinge.  But more often than not, she comes up with some great solution which makes the little sister comply with whatever she wants to do.

Like getting the little sister to sit down and have foils on her hair.  It’s gorgeous.

I must admit they are very funny and cute together.

Lara misses her big sister a lot during the school hours.  She very often asks “Where is lowie (Chloe)?”  during the day.  Blessed her!  They must give each other many hugs & kisses before school and bed time.

For a while now until recently when Lara can climb out of her own cot, open the door, Chloe was the one that picked her lil sis up from bed, took her out of her room, changed her nappy, do her hair, get her dressed.  (Picture taken a year ago.  Now Chloe is actually toilet training Lara!)

I know Chloe is going to go a long way, she does a fine job in managing others : )

But she really is a great sister.  Very caring for the younger one.

Feelings of Gratitude

Being grateful can be a difficult attitude to have at times.  It can come both easily, effortlessly, but also often with great difficulty.  It becomes even more difficult when faced with multiple challenging circumstances, causing us to question the lessons to be learnt. 

Life has thrown us a few challenges in terms of financial and career difficulties in the last 2 years.  Every few months we find ourselves in the same situation, when career choices are being questioned, financial situations in doubt and the roller coaster of feelings, emotions that come with it.   I get tired of it after a while.

Most days, I really didn’t want to be here, to fix that breakfast for the kids, to bother about one’s hungry tummy, wiped that breakfast table, change that nappy, made that dinner, ironed the clothes, drove to school…I just want to find a place to hide and rest for a long time.   Hearing the kids licking the spoon and bowl from a delicious bowl of yoghurt makes me think how on earth they live so happily…while we constantly move from one challenges to another.

Surely they can feel it too!

Truth is they don’t.  Kids just live from one moment to the next.   That little bowl of yoghurt was enough to keep them happy for now, not how long it will keep them full.  It makes no sense to them they just had breakfast an hour ago, and is too soon to eat again!  To them,  is about satisfying that little hunger now.  Always just thinking about what they need most in this present moment. 

And that was what this morning’s meditation presented to me.

I read this morning simply by shifting my mindset to “living in the present moment” is a start.   Gratitude comes when we choose to live in the present, putting aside our ego of what we expected to be entitled to, what we wish for differently.

Instead focussing now on this present moment … which is right now I have the eyes to see the sun, the ears that hear the cricket chirping away and the noise of the plane that flew over the sky, my fingers that can type, the mind that reflects…suddenly I discover what I can be grateful for at this moment.

Truth is we will always have enough for now.  We are always given with what we need most in this present moment.  Not more, not less, but always sufficient.

We might be down in certain aspects of life, but we still have ENOUGH for now. 

But in learning about gratitude, I also find it is important to acknowledge the time when gratefulness does not come easily.   I let that feeling flow, acknowledging it.  Gratitude should come effortlessly without force.  It most probably resembles the law of least effort.

Because in the process of being ungrateful, I come to understand what it feels like, how negative it can make everything seems, how terrible it makes me feel and how unhappy I have become.  Because it then opens up my eyes to see,  finding books to read, approaching people to help …. and discovering there are better ways to think and act.

Thank you ungratefuness…for you have shown me more things in life I can be grateful for.

My son Jayden – 8 Years Old

As I have taken a long break for a few months, it also means very little on my kids except for updates on facebook.

So here is my eldest, he is 8 years old now!  A very big boy whom would soon finish Grade 2 and moving up to Grade 3!  My goodness, he is a very big boy.  He is upto my shoulder, weighs 30kg, loves cricket, loves swimming, enjoy riding his bike up and down the street and to school.  He hopes one day soon I will send him out on his bike to buy a pizza!

He is a very good boy but geez, loves to annoy his sisters with all the jokes centered around the loo, and things that go with it!  Is in the genes, male genes I mean. 

He plays piano but I think he really wants to play a guitar!  He hates practicing it, hates the fact it takes a while to learn a new piece.  But when he gets it, he is a different kid.   So I must admit, I have quite enjoyed listening to his playing in the background.  There have been times when I actually offer him the opportunity to forgo the whole piano thing because it all seems so hard.  But he didn’t want to, so we keep going, 30mins practice everyday, once in the morning, once in the afternoon…and he is getting better everyday.  He can sight read the notes, he knows the theory for his age, he knows it better than anyone in the house! 

I used to learn it from his music teacher as well so that I can coach him at home.  But I gave up because I struggle with time and practice.  So I take a crash course from his teacher once every few months to polish up my knowledge on music theory!

In school, when they have “Kids Got Talent” performance, he actually asked to play a musical piece!  I actually think he likes to perform and loves the thrill of being on stage.  I have watched him dance a few times and he has done a few moves on the dance floor at the school disco too!

He also loves his books, but he is the kind of kid that loves to gather information.  So he reads a lot of non-fiction books, such as the 100 most disgusting things on earth, or the guiness work book of records or recipe books or the world’s most poisonous animals!  So he knows a lot about spiders, snakes, monkeys…..but also knows a lot about how to treat a spider’s bite if you get bitten by one!  

He still hopes to become an engineer one day, a Lego engineer specifically.  He is still very much into Lego, but it goes through phases.  Sometimes all he does is Lego and nothing else.  

Like most boys, he likes his computer.  He likes to watch origami folding on youtube and learn quite a lot from there.  He makes his own video on how to build a Lego piece which I am yet to upload onto youtube for him.  He knows that he can find lots of things and information on Google!  He uses the internet to research information for his homework.   He loves his Nintendo, wii but again all these come in phases.  Sometimes he doesn’t touch it for months, but usually school holidays will see him doing everything in 2 weeks!

Jayden also enjoy sports very much!  His favourite his cricket!  He loves that game.  He plays every Tuesday and can tell me all about the cricket players, the rules of the game, how to bowl, how to bat…..He looks very cute in his cricket green shirt, and next year he can enter the under 9s!  He enjoys swimming as well and does a very elegant back stroke!  His posture is just great when he does a backstroke swim!  He wants to do tennis, football as well…but you know any kid of his age would love to do every sports they can.  But I stop at 2 for him, because I can only drive to that many after school sports without burning myself out.

And I still have 2 other kids with their own activities too.

Jayden also does boys scout which is a very good experience for him.  He has learned so much from survival skills, to basic first aid, had his first campout, earning badges, took part in many different challenges.  He has made some great friends at the local Scouts group and they are all a great bunch of kids. 

Recently I asked him again what he wants to do.  He said

- He wants to walk on the moon and be an astronaut!

- But he also wants to visit Disneyland in Hong Kong and stay at the Disney hotel

- He hopes to audition for the Junior Master Chef one day

And here’s one of him preparing baked potato one evening.

Why leftovers always tasted better….

Often when I feel troubled, I would go for a run.  Feet pounding on the pavement, heart beating, sweat dripping, face turning all warm and red, getting into that zone as many runners would call it.

But sometimes when I can’t go for a run, cooking, baking becomes anothing thing I do to focus my mind - on doing just that one thing at that moment. 

But more often than not, it is looking at life through the lens of a child.  Savouring every little moment in life, as if it is your very first time.  The first taste of food, the first taste of sweetness, that first taste of tanginess…is what life offers, the experience whether it be good or bad, there isn’t one we wouldn’t look back with gratitude.

I sat on the kitchen floor, watching my youngest licking the back of spoon, of what was left from the batter of a banana cake recipe…it wasn’t a lot, but to her, it means the world!  The opportunity to taste the buttery sweetness of an uncooked batter, that was the best thing for her at that point in time.

But thank you my little one, for allowing me to see life through your eyes too.  Sometimes leftovers do taste better, because it allows you to savour the experience in just the right quantity…something I am conscious of doing more in my daily living.

Facing My Fear

After fumbling around my business for a number of months, and getting the feeling of just wanting to give up, I signed up for a business seminar a few weeks ago.

It isn’t easy to be the sole owner of a business and there isn’t always a colleague I can turn to.  So quite often, my great idea might really not be such a great idea.  The reality of an online business became harder and harder for me, and had at one point in the last few months regretted my whole idea of starting it up.  I usually drop my parcels off at the local post office in the late afternoon.  Often I also see a few people I know of an online business coming in to do the same thing.  There we are standing in a line, me with my handful of parcels, usually no more than 2 a day, and them with boxes and boxes full of parcels ready for delivery.  Sometimes they ask, “How is business?” and I always feel quite embarrassed about my slow business.  My confidence isn’t that great.

 I am beginning to think how silly I have been by going into a business without a clear plan.  Honestly, what was I thinking?

 Yesterday I attended a business seminar for the first time.  I have wanted to attend one for a long time.  But what puts me off?  Silly enough are the images on these business seminars website.  It is always images of business men in suits and ties, ladies with perfectly groomed hair, tailored jackets smiling happily with a cup of coffee or glass of wine next to the facilitator that scares me off!  I am actually petrified of networking!!!!!!  So one day a few weeks ago I decided to face my fear!  I woke up on a Saturday morning and signed up for a business seminar!  Somehow I did it.  But later on I asked myself what is it about those photos that scared me so much?  It is because of the way I think of myself and my business.  All I could think of was “My business is too small.  I am not a great marketer.  I have no idea what I am doing.  These people are established, business men & women.  These people look successful and I don’t.   They know what they are doing, I am not.   I am just a mum with 3 kids trying to make a difference!”

As I arrived at the seminar, the room was almost full.  I found a seat close by, introduced myself to the person next to me.  She asked about my business, and the questions came “What is your target market?  What is your point of difference?  How long have you been in the industry?   Honestly, I fumbled with my answers because I see where I have missed – I am not even clear of my own direction.

But I listened, took notes during the seminar about publicity and how I can use it for my business.   The presenter said “Is not about the size of your business, is about your story.  We all have a product, idea, brand….and ultimately we are all trying to solve a problem for a client, customer, etc.”

I understood for the first time what publicity is all about!  I understood its benefits for my business and how I can use it.  The seminar was just an introductory course.  The presenter has another 2 days intensive course with a 4 digit course fee to it.  I did not sign up because of the price tag.  Then I sat down at a sofa in a corner, feeling a little overwhelmed and down by the course fee.  I can see that if I can equipped myself with this skill set and getting the right coaching, it will far out weigh the cost in the long run. So I had a think and then became clear that “well true, I can’t sign up today, but this is something to consider for 2012, I can still come back.”  Suddenly my mindset changed, I don’t feel so low, so overwhelmed, but understanding that I am not pushing away an opportunity but just that it isn’t the right time to do it.

I went back to the seminar room and chatted to the facilitator.  She is a Public Relations guru, whom have over 20 years of experience and I know her from our days in tourism.  We caught up briefly but she was encouraging, and relate to all the fear I have about my business!  She gave me examples and identified to me my fears are not unique.  It is common but I must first deal with it!

This afternoon while driving back from the shops with Lara, I chatted to myself in the car, something I often do when I am trying to clear a problem in my head.  Then I realise, hang on, yes I have rushed into it without a clear business plan, but it isn’t the end of it.  I can undo this.  Just go back to step 1 and start again.  Suddenly, the light comes on and I can see ideas coming in and skills that I have had suddenly came flying back!

 I then jumped on to a few websites and found another few places locally that offers free marketing advice.  I even found a government grant for small businesses that can be used towards some smaller courses. 

So I can see is November, year is closing soon, but I have achieved one important thing. 

 I have faced my fear, did something about it and see that there is now an opportunity.  But I must continually work on shifting my fears!